Linda's Story

Domestic Violence:

My name is Linda and I started having a bad life at 18. I met what I thought was a wonderful man. He was one of my bosses from work. He was so kind to me at fist. We would spend lovely times together just having fun. I seemed important to him; at least I thought I was.

After we were dating for about 2.5 months I found out I was pregnant and I wanted no more children. I already had a son and I was too young for him but another would have been havoc. So I told Joe that I wanted to terminate the pregnancy and that is when it all started.

He kept me home and fired me from my job. For the 1st time he hit me right across the face because I said I was leaving him. He dragged me into the dept. store and said we are going shopping so stop crying like a baby. He acted like it was nothing and I knew it was wrong but I did as I was told. I was 18 and he was 31. I thought an older man would be better for me but I was wrong!

The hitting became beatings almost every day. Even though I was pregnant, he did not care. He said, "If you were a good girl I wouldn't have to discipline you so much." I hated hearing that. Be a good girl- that was screwed up ya' know?

I had my daughter and I thought it would help us but it didn't. It just meant that I was stuck with him. The black eyes and busted lips and bruised body was all I knew and he was taking my heart too. I was no longer living near my parents and I was forbidden to have friends or should I say a life?

Two years later I became pregnant and I was not at all happy with that. But of course I had to stay pregnant. It cooled him down a little and he always said he was sorry. I hated my life and I wanted it to end but I had children whom I loved and I couldn't leave them. That is what keeps me alive. I tried to get help from my dad but he said THAT I MADE MY BED NOW - lay in it!! That hurt so much because I thought daddies were there to help when you needed them most.

My father was angry with me because I had children and he said it was my fault I put myself in that type of position. My mom couldn't even help me she could barely take care of herself. So as my pregnancy progressed he was a little nicer to me- we had twins now. That was the worse news to me. I kept thinking how am I going to leave with 4 kids.

I paid for a tubal ligation so I couldn't have any more children with him. I started saving a dollar here and a dollar there so I could escape my hell with my children. I remember one day that I told him I hated him with every bone in my body. He hit me so hard I went flying at least 10 feet across the bed and onto the floor. Blood dripping from my mouth, I just smiled and said, "Are you done?" I was so tired of him hitting me and controlling me as a person that I had had enough!

He started hitting me some more and I didn't back down. He finally walked away. The days went by and I would get hit because I didn't vacuum first then dust. The house was not clean enough or there was a fork in the sink I would get slapped again. He made excuses to hit me. So I bided my time till I could leave.

A few years later I was going to be gone within a few months then I found out I was pregnant again. I was floored because I paid to be fixed. Well I was that 1% that could get pregnant. So I stayed until my last child was 1 and a 1/2 and I packed my things and left.

I left the children behind because I couldn't care for 5 children. I took the oldest child with me because he was mine and not his. I became a stripper to care for my son and we did fine and I thought I would finally be free of violence. I loved my new life of no more long sleeved shirts or pants to cover the bruises.

Then I met James and he swore he would never hit me and he didn't for 1 1/2 years. Then one day I was out riding my bike and I pulled into the front yard and he was yelling and all of a sudden I fell down. He had hit me in the face so hard I had lost my balance. I still do not know why he hit me that day he never told me.

I stayed with him for a few more months hoping it was a mistake and it would never happen again. But I was wrong again. I let him move in with me in hopes of a good relationship. It did not last long.

One night I went out with my friends like I always did on Fridays and when I got home he yelled and screamed at me for being out while he was working. I basically told him he needed to leave because it was not working out then he hit me across the face a couple of times. I got up and ran for the phone to call for help. He pulled it out of the wall. He kept saying why are you making me do this to you? He grabbed my hair and was dragging me into the bedroom and I knew what that meant from experience I began to scream for help.

My son heard me and I hollered to him to get the neighbors and he did. He saved my life. James was arrested and given 1.5 years and no contact. I moved after that. We were over and I was over with men at least I thought I was.

Then one day my friend introduced me to a handsome sweet intelligent man and I fell for him hard. I was tired of being put down and bruised but my girlfriend assured me that he was good. She lied! He was worse than the other two put together. It was pure hell and I didn't realize what pain really was till I was with Jeff. He hit me every day even if he woke up in a good mood. I hated life and everyone in it. I thought that this is how my life was meant to be so I stayed for 6.5 years till I couldn't take it no more.

He would call my job all of the time and make me bring home a register receipt to prove what time I left. He held a gun to my head and said, If you want to die, let's do it." He would hit me in the face all of the time. Everyone at my job knew he was mean but no one would help me. Finally after he broke my windshield for the 3rd time I left and moved 20 minutes away and transferred to another store. He found me once again.

He called us all hours of the night yelling nasty things to myself and my roommate. He threatened her a lot and finally after 6 months of calls I finally agreed to see him in hopes of it being the last time. I was hoping that he had realized that after 6.5 years of hate he would finally end it and be civil. I wanted him to go on with his life so I could without him. I wanted to stop looking over my shoulder and my dreams would stop keeping me up at night. I wanted sleep again. I wanted to smile again. I wanted to be ME again.

He invited me to his birthday party so I figured I would be safe. I was so tired from working 18 hours straight but I made it to the party and there was other people there so I was ok with it. He was drinking and taking Librium pills the next door neighbor got him. I should have known to leave but I didn't.

I fell asleep on the couch and I awakened to him standing over me just looking at me in a confused look. I asked him what he was doing and he grabbed my throat and said, "you think you can just walk away from me. No you can't." I froze for a moment because I had this strange feeling rush over me and I can't completely describe it but it was scary. I knew then if I didn't get away from him I would die! I knew it and I didn't know how but I was terrified beyond belief. I pushed him off and ran for the door. He got up and chased me and it started a fight because I was determined to win this one. He grabbed my hair and pulled and yanked it hurt so bad that I could barely stand the pain. I wrapped my arms around the railing of the outside steps and held on for life. My arms began to bleed from scraping the wood rail back and forth but I held on.

He finally got me loose and I fell to the top step with my face down hoping to pass out. I knew I had to stay alive and that meant staying awake. He grabbed my head and began pounding it into the top step. It hurt and all I could do was cry and fight back. I saw blood dripping onto the step and I knew I had to be bleeding from my face now. It was a mess all over the steps. He yanked me up and I dropped to the steps again and he kept telling me to get up and get inside and I kept yelling for help. No one listened. He grabbed my hair and dragged me inside and I grabbed the doorway in hopes of tiring him out because I was tired. I dug my nails into the wood frame around the door making my fingers bleed and nails breaking from the pressure I could no longer hold on. I was now inside and he picked me up and threw me up against the wall calmly talking to me saying that we were soul mates and we had to be together. He said that our lives, especially his, was not going to be wasted by me. I owed him and I say I owed him nothing! We fought some more hitting each other profusely not taking a breath. I pushed him away and he fell over the end table he looked up and then unscrewed the table and came at me again and caught me right across the nose. I felt dizzy and out of it.

I remember saying to myself if there is a God, please help me. I will never doubt Your existence again. I never believed in God until that night. Jeff kept hitting me and made me walk the house with him. Finally I had him convinced that we would marry tomorrow. He stopped. He brought me into the kitchen to wipe my face off because he said I was a mess. He told me to go shower and change into some of his pajamas and we would watch our favorite movie. I agreed. I rushed upstairs and got into the shower and cried so hard it hurt. I looked down at the water and it was red all red. That's all I could see and I cried even more. My face hurt so much that I couldn't bring myself to look at it. I got out of the shower and dried off quickly and ran down stairs. He laid on the couch babbling about how I made him do that to me. He made me make a promise to be good and to marry him. I was to obey him forever and we would never be apart again.

I waited for him to fall asleep. It was midnight so that meant we had been fighting for 1 hour. I was so tired and dizzy but all I could think of was getting out. I waited for him to snore so I would know he was asleep. I went to the back door and unlocked the first lock 2 more to go. I waited a little while longer and opened another then another then I ran out the door as quickly as I could run. I ran down the steps and didn't look back. My feet were bleeding from running down the rocky driveway. All I could think was getting help.

I ran across the street to a neighbor's house it was 3:30 in the morning. I tapped on his window and begged for him to let me in. He opened the door and let me in we called the police and it was now over for me and him. I thank the Davidson county police of Tennessee for all their help. I get to live again. I am now 36 years older and am finally happy. I forgot what it was like to breathe on my own again. I haven't seen Jeff in 3 years and I keep track of him. He is still in jail and I have found someone who is the best thing in my life besides my children. 3 times is a charm - no the 4th is!!!!

Katie Piper:British Model Burned in Acid Attack

By Mary Beth Sammons

Katie Piper was an aspiring model with a promising future, but all of that changed in one tragic instant when a man -- hired by her former boyfriend -- threw sulfuric acid in her face. "This is when my life changed completely, forever…" the now 26-year-old told ABC's 20/20 in an interview. "This is when I lost my beautiful face."

Raised in the small town of Andover, Hampshire in England, Piper moved to London when she was 22 years old to pursue a career in media. Within months she had jobs as a model and as a host on a shopping channel -- all stepping stones to her ultimate dream.

In March 2008, she told her family there was a new man in her life. "She texted... 'I've met a new guy. His name is Danny and I'm really happy,'" Piper's younger sister, Suzy, told 20/20.

The new man was 32-year-old Danny Lynch, a martial arts enthusiast who first contacted her through Facebook. But just weeks after the two first met, Lynch beat and raped her in a hotel, The Daily Mail reported. Piper didn't go to the police or tell anyone about the brutal incident for fear that he would kill her.

Lynch bombarded Piper with messages after the assault, and eventually, she agreed to go to an Internet café to read a message he had posted to her on Facebook. She was leaving the café when Stefan Sylvestre, hired by Lynch, approached her with a coffee cup and threw its contents on her face. The attack was caught on security cameras.

Watch Katie Piper talk about her attack in the video below. The story continues below the video.

PRODUCTION PLAYER! DO NOT DELETE.



"At first, I thought he's thrown coffee on me, because, he's in the street with a coffee mug," she told 20/20. "And then the pain was so bad I thought this guy's thrown a match at me...like visually I thought I must be a big orange fireball because, it's so painful and...so bad. I remember bits of my face were coming off and bits were coming away and, my clothes were all evaporating and I was panicking," she recalled. "I was banging on the windows of the shops and people were scared."

Piper's injuries were devastating and doctors resorted to revolutionary techniques to rebuild the foundations of her face. Doctors mixed pieces of a synthetic skin substitute called Matriderm with skin from Piper's back and layered the combination onto her face, reports 20/20. At home, she was forced to wear a plastic mask 23 hours a day to help her injuries heal. Additionally, her esophagus and stomach were so damaged from swallowing some of the acid, that she had to be fed through a tube. And along with her physical struggles, she had to contend with the psychological fallout. Piper was plagued by nightmares and was terrified to leave her parents' house.

Today, after extensive rehabilitation in a French facility for post-burn care and more than 30 operations, Piper is blind in one eye with disfiguring burns on her face, chest and arms, but is appearing and speaking in public to give hope to other burn victims. She's even created the Katie Piper Foundation to help support and create burn centers.

"I've got some terrible memories that will live with me forever," Piper told 20/20. "But slowly I'm replacing them with some fantastic memories that nobody can take away."

The full interview with Katie Piper on 20/20 airs Friday, January 8, 2010. Check your local listings for air time.

Amelia's Domestic Violence Story

It is only now - 3 yrs after he left - that I have realised that it wasn't just the first and last few years of the relationship that was abusive, it was all of it - 21 yrs. The times when there wasn't any violence or any obvious abusive behaviour was the times that I was totally 'under control', the times when I stuck to the rules and didn't go against them, the times when I didn't have an opinion or wasn't outspoken, when I didn't enjoy talking to other people (especially if they were male!), the times when I kept the house immacutely clean, the kids were clean and quiet and the times I didn't go out and leave him to fend for himself.

I met him when I was 21 and he was nearly 20 years older than me, for the first couple of months we had a great time, spending all our spare time together then we got a place and moved in together. I thought it would be fun, after a night out we could go home together but it wasn't like that, he didn't want to go out, then when we did go out he started suggesting I went to visit my parents, he said that Friday nights and Saturday lunchtimes were when 'blokes went to the pub'. By the time Saturday evenings came around he'd then had too much to drink to want to go out or to be able to stay out too long, I just became his taxi driver.

When we moved in together he soon began asking about my previous boyfriends. He wanted to know how long i'd known them before I slept with them and where and how it had happened. When I was vague or didn't want to answer his questions he would get angry, as soon as i got frustrated with him and raised my voice, pleaded with him to stop or tapped him on his arm he would hit me. I would be covered in bruises, mainly on my arms. The main effect of this violence was that I started to change - I stopped being myself. I would avoid any conversation with friends when we were out that would have anything to do with my life before him, I didn't look at or talk to other men. During sex I didn't initiate anything or lose control of myself, he wouldn't like this and would start questioning me about things again.

This is how it was for the next 11 yrs or so, during that time we had 2 children, also during this time there were just a few times when my partner would get angry, maybe push me or call me names, I always thought that his behaviour was my fault, mainly due to the thoughts instilled in me by him at the beginning of the relationship.

Then he found out I was having an affair, this is when the violence really escalated. I could never talk to him and he didn't accept that I was very unhappy. There were a couple of times when I left but it would only be for a day or night and then he'd say the kids were missing me 'come round for tea'. I didn't want to be away from my kids but I couldn't drag them away with me to god knows where either. I had nowhere to go where he wouldn't find me, so I thought it would be better staying until the kids were older. During this time he asked me to marry him, I thought it would make him happy and that the bad times would stop - I was very wrong.

The violence continued throughout 2000 - 2002, the reason he used was that I'd been unfaithful - it was his ideal excuse for his behaviour, he made me feel so bad about myself and for hurting him, that I believed I deserved that kind of treatment - I was at one of my lowest points in my life. The treatment I received for not wanting to give him oral sex was the same if I forgot to buy a loaf of bread - he would get angry, hit me, call me names, then shut himself in the bedroom each night (if the door was shut that meant i had to sleep on the settee or in my daughters bedroom). It would usually be 3-5 days before he spoke to me again, usually in time to take him to the pub at the weekend.

At the end of 2002 I developed a close friendship with a guy I'd met, he cared a lot for me but I didn't want him or anyone else to intervene, I thought it would just make it worse. My husband found out about this relationship after a couple of months and the violence was really bad for a while. I wanted to leave but I couldn't I still thought it would make things worse.

For the next 3 years things just carried on much the same as they had before, I would try and not 'wind' him up and just do what he wanted but there were still episodes of violence, usually at bedtime I used to lie there almost paralysed with fear that he was going to kick off. If he did it would start with him saying how he felt less of a man because of 'what I'd done to him', he told me he couldn't stop thinking about it, this would then escalate to calling me names, asking me questions, then hitting me, trying to strangel me or kicking me out of the bed and onto the floor.

He started to say from time to time that he couldn't stand it anymore and he was going to leave, then a couple of days later he would change his mind. I had to be careful that he didn't see my disappointment each time he changed his mind.

He finally left 3 yrs ago, I really thought that I'd finally got my freedom and my old self back but it wasn't to be - 2 weeks after he left he phoned me one day and asked about me going round for sex at his place - just for 6 weeks he said, just until he gained some confidence and was able to move on and meet someone else. I really didn't want to and we argued on the phone for an hour or so until I finally gave in. When the 6 weeks was up he wanted to do it for a little longer and it went on and on like that until a couple of months ago - I finally realised he wasn't going to put an end to it, I was really finding it more and more difficult to cope with and I was almost at breaking point. With the strength, belief and support of a great friend who I had confided in I told my ex that it wouldn't be happening anymore and that I was now seeing someone. After a couple of more phone calls, plenty of threats and intimidation my ex is now leaving me alone.

Initially I thought I would just avoid him for a few weeks but now I have decided not to speak to him or have any contact with him ever again - he doesn't think he's done anything wrong but I know different. I now know that not only that this wasn't my fault but its not only me that this has happened to.

Domestic Violence-In the Mind of the Abuser

In the Mind of the Abuser


"Abusive people typically think they are unique, really so different from other people that they don't have to follow the same rules everyone else does. But rather than being unique, abusers have a lot in common with one another, including their patterns of thinking and behaving. The following are some of their characteristics.

Excuse Making
Instead of accepting responsibility for his actions, the abuser tries to justify his behavior with excuses. For example: "My parents never loved me" or "My parents beat me" or "I had a bad day, and when I walked in and saw this mess, I lost my temper" or "I couldn't let her talk to me that way. There was nothing else I could do."

Blaming
The abuser shifts responsibility for his actions away from himself and onto others, a shift that allows him to justify his abuse because the other person supposedly "caused" his behavior. For example: "If you would stay out of it while I am disciplining the kids, I could do it without hitting them." Or he may say, "She pushes my buttons." Statements like this are victim blaming. If he really had buttons she could push, she would push the one that says, "vacuum" instead the one that says, "hit me".

Redefining
In a variation on the tactic of blaming, the abuser redefines the situation so that the problem is not with him but with others or with the outside world in general. For example, the abuser doesn't come home for dinner at 6 p.m. as he said he would; he comes home at 4 a.m. He says, "You're an awful cook anyway. Why should I come home to eat that stuff? I bet the kids wouldn't even eat it."

Success Fantasies
The abuser believes he would be rich, famous, or extremely successful if only other people weren't "holding me back." He uses this belief to justify his abuse. The abuser also puts other people down verbally as a way of making himself look superior.

Lying
The abuser controls the situation by lying to control the information available. The abuser also may use lying to keep other people, including his victim, off-balance psychologically. For example, he tries to appear truthful when he's lying, he tries to look deceitful even when he's telling the truth, and sometimes he reveals himself in an obvious lie.

Assuming
Abusive people often assume they know what others are thinking or feeling. Their assumption allows them to justify their behavior because they "know" what the other person would think or do in a given situation. For example, "I knew you'd be mad because I went out for a beer after work, so I figured I might as well stay out and enjoy myself."

Above the Rules
As mentioned earlier, an abuser generally believes he is better than other people and so does not have to follow the rules that ordinary people do. That attitude is typical of convicted criminals, too. Each inmate in a jail typically believes that while all the other inmates are criminals, he himself is not. An abuser shows "above-the-rules" thinking when he says, for example, 'I don't need batterer intervention. I'm different than those other men. Nobody has the right to question what I do in my family."

Making Fools of Others
The abuser combines tactics to manipulate others. The tactics include lying, upsetting the other person just to watch his or her reactions, and encouraging a fight between or among others. Or, he may try to charm the person he wants to manipulate, pretending a lot of interest or concern for that person in order to get on her or his good side.

Fragmentation
The abuser usually keeps his abusive behavior separate from the rest of his life. The separation is physical; for example, he will beat up family members but not people outside his home. The separation is psychological; for example, the abuser attends church Sunday morning and beats his wife Sunday night. He sees no inconsistency in his behavior and feels justified in it.

Minimizing
The abuser ducks responsibility for his actions by trying to make them seem less important than they are. For example, "I didn't hit you that hard" or 'I only hit one of the kids. I could have hit them all."

Vagueness
Thinking and speaking vaguely lets the abuser avoid responsibility. For example, "I'm late because I had some things to do on the way home."

Anger
Abusive people are not actually angrier than other people. However, they deliberately appear to be angry in order to control situations and people.

Power Plays
The abuser uses various tactics to power trip others. For instance, he walks out of the room when the victim is talking, or out-shouts the victim, or organizes other family members or associates to "gang up" on the victim in shunning or criticizing her.

Playing Victim
Occasionally the abuser will pretend to be helpless or will act persecuted in order to manipulate others into helping him. Here, the abuser thinks that if he doesn't get what he wants, he is the victim; and he uses the disguise of victim to get back at or make fools of others. Abusers will often claim to be the victim in order to avoid being held accountable by law enforcement. He may assert she was the one who was violent. He will display what are clearly defensive wounds, such as bite marks or scratch marks, and claim she "attacked" him. Or he will declare that the physical marks on her were caused when he was trying to keep her from hurting herself.

Drama and Excitement
Abusive people often make the choice not to have close relationships with other people. They substitute drama and excitement for closeness. Abusive people find it exciting to watch others get angry, get into fights, or be in a state of general uproar. Often, they'll use a combination of tactics described earlier to set up a dramatic and exciting situation.

Closed Channel
The abusive person does not tell much about himself and his real feelings. He is not open to new information about himself, either, such as insights into how others see him. He is secretive, close-minded, and self-righteous. He believes he is right in all situations.

Ownership
The abuser typically is very possessive. Moreover, he believes that anything he wants should be his, and he can do as he pleases with anything that is his. That attitude applies to people as well as to possessions. It justifies his controlling behavior, physically hurting others, and taking things that belong to them.

Self-glorification
The abuser usually thinks of himself as strong, superior, independent, self-sufficient, and very masculine. His picture of the ideal man often is the cowboy or adventurer type. When anyone says or does anything that doesn't fit his glorified self-image, the abuser takes it as an insult."

Coral Theill's Story of Domestic and Spiritual Abuse, Marital Rape, Judicial Abuse, and Forced Separation From her Beloved Children

"On March 10, 1996, I was forced, by an Order of the Court, and by my ex-husband, his attorney, his family and religious supporters, to do something that raged against my good conscience, my common sense and against all my motherly instincts. After a temporary custody hearing, a Court Order signed by Judge Norblad forcibly removed my nursing baby and two youngest children from me. I obeyed the Court Order and gave my children over to my ex-husband. I drove to the hospital, rented a breast-pump and later collapsed and went into shock. I could not understand what had happened and why. I have not yet recovered from the shock; perhaps I never will.... Mr. Warner and his attorney, Mr. Lawrence, were pleased... they had taken away my children. They did not know, though, that they would never be able to take away my soul, my dignity, my inner joy or my freedom-those things that are a part of our sacred ground. No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. When we know this, we are truly free."

(Excerpt from BONSHEA)

Lisa's Story-Caught in the Trap of Recurring Domestic Violence

I have been in a mental, physical, emotional, and financially abusive relationship for 6 years with my husband. We have three small children together. All under the age of 7.

Two weeks ago he went into a rage over something I had done that he didn't like, and punched me hard, knocking me reeling back against the wall. I ran for the bedroom and tried to lock the door behind me, but he pushed it open and began screaming at me while he was hitting me, sending me flying onto the bed. Then he held me down, still screaming obscenities at me. The attack didn't stop there until I had a split lip and the blood began to flow, even getting on him. I guess he finally vented his rage sufficiently to allow himself to stop. Then, he just got up and left the room as if nothing had happened. The rest of the night, and for the next two weeks, he gave me more or less the silent treatment.

I was so worried when the oldest child came and asked me with a sad, bewildered look why daddy was mad at me. This is not good for the children. I know they are being affected by this violence and turmoil in our home, and I am trying to figure out a way of escape, but right now in all this confusion, the answer eludes me.

Recently he quit his job of 9 years. Now I am the sole bread winner in house.
This week he began the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle again, and this makes it even harder to leave, because I actually hold out hope for change even though he has not sought any therapy, or shows any real desire to change other than lip service.

I think we may both be addicted to the honeymoon phase. I don't know. I'm very confused. No, let me retract that last part.....I think he is the one addicted to the honeymoon phase. If I was, that is over, and I no longer trust that it will last.

But right now he stays home taking care of the children under school age. I can't afford to take them to child care living on one income and supporting him and the children as well.

I don't love him, but I've worked so hard at covering up this dysfunctional situation and trying to build the dream of a normal family for so long, that I don't think I know how to give up, or how to get out with him living in the same house. Or, what a divorce would entail. Also, he has threatened me and the children if I ever try to leave him.

I see all these websites on the Internet about what to do in situations like this, but when it comes right down to it, it's not that easy. And I am confronted with trying to find a way that fits my ordeal. He's home most of the time so there's no chance of trying to sneak out with my belongings and the kids while he's gone.
The double whammy is what will happen if I do leave, and the question of whether I can financially make a transition and support myself and the kids if I do make an escape.
Any advice would be sooo helpful and appreciated.

Family Safety-Remembering 143 Victims: Victorians Pause to Honor Texas Women Killed by Domestic Violence

By Rebecca Holm
Inroduction
In the United States, the most dangerous place for a woman is in her own home.”

That’s what Elena Stone, a licensed clinical social worker and the program director for the Family Violence Department of Mid-Coast Family Services, told participants in the Silent Witness March and Tribute on Monday at De Leon Plaza in Victoria.

Stone’s agency was the host of the event “to commemorate all the women killed in Texas by their intimate partners during the previous year,” said Stone. “Last year there were 143 women killed.”

A crowd of about 50 attended the event, which began with a silent march from The Street of Ten Friends sign at North Street to De Leon Plaza. Those in attendance then gathered around the gazebo, decorated with purple ribbons in honor of National Domestic Violence Month, to hear the master of ceremonies, Gary Moses, and the opening prayer by Rev. Victor Scocco of Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church.

“We denounce without fear of reprisal all acts of violence at home and abroad,” said Scocco. “Make our homes a dwelling place of peace for all.”

“This is a silent epidemic that just covers this state, it covers our nation, and the more we get out and the more we get to talk about it, the more we can try to prevent domestic violence,” said Randy Vivian, Mid-Coast Family Services CEO, who offered words of welcome before Deborah Branch with the Victoria County District Attorney’s Office read a proclamation from Mayor Will Armstrong.

The atmosphere was somber for speaker Phoenix Palmer Johnson of Austin, who talked about her personal experiences and read excerpts from her book “The Phoenix Factor: Rising From the Ashes of Abuse.”

She recalled how even three years after divorcing an abusive spouse, she still lived in fear of him. Because he continued to harass and call her, she nailed shut her windows and kept her curtains drawn.

After one particularly brutal attack, she said, “A police officer had told me that ‘if you didn’t get the hell out of Dallas, we’ll find you in an alley with your throat slit.’

“I knew I had to do something, and I had to do it right then,” she said. She placed a large sign in her yard that read “Stalking victim lives here. See anything, call 911.” She then packed up her belongings and on the day she was set to move to Austin, a woman came to her home to say that her ex-husband had died.

“Even in death he will haunt me,” she said.

“Do we take these memories and let them destroy us, or do we take these memories and use them to then build a foundation for change,” she asked. “We have a choice in every situation … in those choices, we can use those memories to build a mausoleum or we can use those memories to build a monument for change.”

Then names of the 143 victims from Texas were read; Marty and Casey Urwin, members of the music program at Faith Family Church, performed ; and Pastor Larry Helms of Faith Family Church offered closing remarks.

“It was awesome; very factual,” Delsie Marsh of Victoria, said of the program. She stated that she hoped that the Victoria Public Library would obtain a copy of Johnson’s book.

“I started out with Mid-Coast and Anderson House in 2003,” said Sandra Thompson of Victoria. “It’s my first time to be here. I come from a family of domestic violence, and I’m just now coming out on the other side. Everything the speaker said hit home… people don’t realize there is an outlet, because you’re so stuck… If you can get out, just do it, because there is always hope.”

Stone said she hoped that the program would raise awareness about the problem of family violence. “Almost every day in the police blotter there are incidents. There was one day I looked at the paper and there were five domestic violence incidents in one day. So the problem is right around us. Sometimes it’s our neighbor, it may be someone we sit next to in church … there are no cultural, no economic, socio-economic barriers. It transcends every culture, every race, it is in every country.

“There is help available, and people don’t have to live this way,” she said.