I have been in a mental, physical, emotional, and financially abusive relationship for 6 years with my husband. We have three small children together. All under the age of 7.
Two weeks ago he went into a rage over something I had done that he didn't like, and punched me hard, knocking me reeling back against the wall. I ran for the bedroom and tried to lock the door behind me, but he pushed it open and began screaming at me while he was hitting me, sending me flying onto the bed. Then he held me down, still screaming obscenities at me. The attack didn't stop there until I had a split lip and the blood began to flow, even getting on him. I guess he finally vented his rage sufficiently to allow himself to stop. Then, he just got up and left the room as if nothing had happened. The rest of the night, and for the next two weeks, he gave me more or less the silent treatment.
I was so worried when the oldest child came and asked me with a sad, bewildered look why daddy was mad at me. This is not good for the children. I know they are being affected by this violence and turmoil in our home, and I am trying to figure out a way of escape, but right now in all this confusion, the answer eludes me.
Recently he quit his job of 9 years. Now I am the sole bread winner in house.
This week he began the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle again, and this makes it even harder to leave, because I actually hold out hope for change even though he has not sought any therapy, or shows any real desire to change other than lip service.
I think we may both be addicted to the honeymoon phase. I don't know. I'm very confused. No, let me retract that last part.....I think he is the one addicted to the honeymoon phase. If I was, that is over, and I no longer trust that it will last.
But right now he stays home taking care of the children under school age. I can't afford to take them to child care living on one income and supporting him and the children as well.
I don't love him, but I've worked so hard at covering up this dysfunctional situation and trying to build the dream of a normal family for so long, that I don't think I know how to give up, or how to get out with him living in the same house. Or, what a divorce would entail. Also, he has threatened me and the children if I ever try to leave him.
I see all these websites on the Internet about what to do in situations like this, but when it comes right down to it, it's not that easy. And I am confronted with trying to find a way that fits my ordeal. He's home most of the time so there's no chance of trying to sneak out with my belongings and the kids while he's gone.
The double whammy is what will happen if I do leave, and the question of whether I can financially make a transition and support myself and the kids if I do make an escape.
Any advice would be sooo helpful and appreciated.
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